Dealing with the Lumps (literally)

I'm heading to Kauai tomorrow for 2 weeks. I'll visit my favorite places that I've posted about in the past .... Glass Beach, Mermaids, Poipu Beach, Maha`ulepu ........ but this time I'll also be in a wedding. Michael's cousin has asked us to stand up for her and her beau. I'm excited about this but then realized this meant wearing a wedding type dress. I remembered a dress I purchased years ago at the Victorian Cowgirl in Sedona, AZ. The perfect dress for a sunset wedding on the beach I thought, until I put it on. I realized it didn't quite fit me the way it had when I bought it, especially in the tummy and butt areas. How did this happen??





With this dilemma that was presented to me I found myself in the lingerie department of Macy's. "I need a tummy tucker and a butt smoother, something that makes me less lumpy, is there such a thing?" I told the young, chirpy salesclerk. I'm looking at her thinking, how does someone that age know anything about or have an understanding of the under gadgets I'm inquiring about? I perused through the racks and picked out a slip that had a crotch in it that snapped so the slip doesn't ride up. It was lightweight and didn't have the mongo molded bra attached. The salesclerk brought me a few items - a one piece shaper with the mongo bra, a girdle with thigh length legs, and a spandex corset looking thing - to add to the slip I'd picked out to try on. I tried the slip slimmer on first and miracles of miracles it fit and it wasn't uncomfortable! It was the first thing I tried on and it was what I wanted needed. I cried with delight "I think this will work, look"! The salesclerk agreed as the woman in the next booth inquired "Can I see what you're talking about, it sounds like something I could use?" I described it to her as I was taking it off and then shoved in under the dressing stall wall for her to see. She exclaimed "oh, it's $55.00" I said "yeah, not cheap but less expensive than liposuction".


(this is not me nor do I look like this in the slip)

The faceless woman proceed to tell me she was trying on bathing suits. I thought I need one of those too and with my luck in the undergarment department I should go for the suit too. The cheery, smiley salesclerk was so thrilled to be picking swim suits out with me, she gathered an armload and we hauled them back to the dressing room. I didn't have the same luck and after several tries of various suits I left the store with a hang dog look. But wait I have the slimmer I told myself, so pour yourself into your old suit one more time and be happy! I mean I'm going to Kauai right?